Holy Kraft!

I want to start selling Kraft its food back to them. Tonight I was eating some dinner and getting some reading done when the back of the Wheat Thins box was presenting me with all these "delicious snack" tips that I can enjoy for "about a dollar" all while it urged me into really considering the weeks-old question: Why Snackrifice?

First off, the back of the box offered what it called a nutritionally "wholesome combination" of Wheat Thins and Crystal Light...



...which is about as wholesome as Lady Gaga in a fish store. Secondly, through sales/coupons my limit on Wheat Thins or any other non-organic national brand cracker is $2 or less per box. There are nine servings of 16 crackers in a box, which at $2/box results in $0.22 per 16 crackers. By Kraft-Mathft, this makes a canister of Lemon Chemicals Light ring in at $24.96 [($1.00 minus $0.22 for 8oz glass, times 4 (for a quart) times 8 (for 8 qt canister).] The asterisk says that this is the national average price, do you think any of the good people at Kraft would buy a canister of headaches and cancer and heart failure for $25? Isn't that what is for?

WhySnackrifice.com helpfully offers other "no snackrificing!" combinations to explore and discover...all with good family values and all also for around a dollar. Why, there's Triscuits and Cheese, Ritz and Cheese, Ritz and Peanut Butter, and Wheat Thins and something new called "Hummus" (I think Ay-Rabs and Vegetarians and other terrorists eat that, I'm not sure, I've never had it it, but heck I'll try it if it helps send aid to Haiti!)

Aye yaye! I am seriously in the wrong racket if there are people out there getting paid to market crackers and cheese as a new concept. Me, I've got all kinds of ideas for fresh combos like Oatmeal + Brown Sugar. Coffee + Cream. Macaroni + Cheese!!! Kraft, call meeeee!!