Full Moon Phone Madness

Something about a full moon makes the crazy and the confused pick up their phones and start dialing. I know they say there is "no such thing as a stupid question" and I think I agree, but people!!! People should develop a clear reason to call a CSR before their little fingers start pressing buttons.

Caller: You sent me a letter saying that I'm a bad customer and that I pay late and that you turned my account off!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: I understand your frustration, sir. Can I ask you to read the letter to me?

And then he proceeds to read me a letter that says none of the accusations he initially reported to me. Why do people do this? It happens a lot. They get a letter, they jump to conclusions, and they start dialing. I am drafting a corporate request to our credit department to cease mailing any letters within 7 days of a full moon.

Me: Thank you for calling, may I have your account number please.

Caller: Account number?? Where do I find that on this card???

Again, this happens a lot. Rachel's Helpful Hints: The BIG number embossed on a card, that's probably the account number.

Caller: You screwed this account all up. This is all screwed up. You need to fix this, it is all screwed up and you did it.

Fair enough, I hold the caller's hand and we walk together through the scary alterworld of account maintenance to search and explore what is "all" screwed up, and 9.75 times out of 10, it's the caller who is either confused, or the one who screwed it all up. During the "Ah-ha" moment of silence when the caller starts to get it, I mini-daydream about spouting out the old 4th grade adage: When you point fingers, there are three pointing right back, MA'AM! But of course it is my job to instead absorb the craziness and negativity and unfounded accusations in the name of service, because well, there are stockholders out there.

Me: Thank you for calling, may I have your account number.

Caller: I don't have an account number! I lost my card! *chewing gum snaps*

The kookiness with this type of call is that the caller always beams with pride when reporting the lost card. They want a heroes welcome for their valiant deeds, how they lost a card in a boldfaced struggle against everyday life. Sorry. Out of confetti.

Me: Thank you for calling, may I have your account number.

Caller: Is it my account number that you want? Or do you want my name/pin number/zip code/dog's name.

Me: Account number.

Why do people think I don't know what I'm asking for?

Caller: I'm old and I'm confused and I'm from the greatest generation and I'm frightened and alone and because of all these, you're wrong! Who is this?

Usually in this situation, the full moon has possessed the caller to dial any old/wrong number. You try to help because they're old, but...

These represent just a slice of the phone-madness coming in fast and furious this morning, never mind the internal rockets blasted towards us at any moment's notice. Knock on wood, I will enjoy just one more full moon season here before I begin barking at the moon as I stay at home. In the meantime I'm looking for pt work-at-home positions, all interesting offers considered! :)