The Chump Dump

Seriously, some people take the "more flies with honey" philosophy a little too far, they excrete the aura of "salesman", and still think schmoozing a CSR will get them awesome service when generally, it only does the opposite.

I recently had a caller who had my eyes a-rollin' and a-hitting several of my uh-nuh nerves and it made me think of the trends these people are using, with failure. They include:

*Referring to non-floating objects as "she", which is fine among friends or if you're wearing flannel and wielding an axe, but when a novice does it it's just obnoxious: "This transaction, I think she's got a problem." No.

*Greasy schmuzl, at the end of a long list of bs that someone should already have and I certainly don't care about. "I'm looking for information of when I last had an itchy bum, I need to know who when why where how often how deep how much, all that good stuff." Ugh, no.

*Uncomfortable total exposure, feeling the need to tell me that you're being nice, just so I get it, so I understand that it's NICENESS that I'm encountering, a concept so foreign to a CSR that it needs to be pointed out, and attended to. Frequently comes with regional accent, when it comes at the end of the call I just feel dirty: "I've always figured I get more flies with the honey..." :shudder: No. Stop.

*Unauthorized usage of trucker talk. Again, with the alien industryspeak: "My account number is Three Six Niner Four.... " NO!

*To really activate the bitch switch is to call me something I didn't tell you to: "Hey Raytch, how's it hangin', listen, I need you to do this for me..." Wow. In this culture a 2-second phone greeting is not a long enough friendship to start with the nicknames, it doesn't charm anyone, Glengarry, and only inspires me to lie about how I'm completing all your "favors" when really I'm just hitting the mute button and making fun of you to coworkers.

It is my understanding that millions of dollars each year is spent on sales training. Is it time for trillions? For the victims of poor salesmanship? Call me, I can help.