The Chump Dump

Seriously, some people take the "more flies with honey" philosophy a little too far, they excrete the aura of "salesman", and still think schmoozing a CSR will get them awesome service when generally, it only does the opposite.

I recently had a caller who had my eyes a-rollin' and a-hitting several of my uh-nuh nerves and it made me think of the trends these people are using, with failure. They include:

*Referring to non-floating objects as "she", which is fine among friends or if you're wearing flannel and wielding an axe, but when a novice does it it's just obnoxious: "This transaction, I think she's got a problem." No.

*Greasy schmuzl, at the end of a long list of bs that someone should already have and I certainly don't care about. "I'm looking for information of when I last had an itchy bum, I need to know who when why where how often how deep how much, all that good stuff." Ugh, no.

*Uncomfortable total exposure, feeling the need to tell me that you're being nice, just so I get it, so I understand that it's NICENESS that I'm encountering, a concept so foreign to a CSR that it needs to be pointed out, and attended to. Frequently comes with regional accent, when it comes at the end of the call I just feel dirty: "I've always figured I get more flies with the honey..." :shudder: No. Stop.

*Unauthorized usage of trucker talk. Again, with the alien industryspeak: "My account number is Three Six Niner Four.... " NO!

*To really activate the bitch switch is to call me something I didn't tell you to: "Hey Raytch, how's it hangin', listen, I need you to do this for me..." Wow. In this culture a 2-second phone greeting is not a long enough friendship to start with the nicknames, it doesn't charm anyone, Glengarry, and only inspires me to lie about how I'm completing all your "favors" when really I'm just hitting the mute button and making fun of you to coworkers.

It is my understanding that millions of dollars each year is spent on sales training. Is it time for trillions? For the victims of poor salesmanship? Call me, I can help.

the asshole in the suv

This is a story that doesn't show us at our best, but I just can't get over it!!

Yesterday the fan in our car broke, it was fine if we were chugging right along but if we had to make frequent stops then the engine would heat up.

We were heading 1.5 hours north on the interstate, we had to get to a function and didn't foresee any issues with the fan as there were minimal stops involved. On the interstate there was an accident and cars were bumper-to-bumper. We started out being 1 mile away from the nearest exit, 1/2 mile later the needle started showing us that the engine was getting hot. Ugh! We were pretty tense.

We were at a standstill, we didn't know what to do. We could either pull into the breakdown lane and sit there, or we could pull into the breakdown lane and zip up 1/2 mile to the exit so that the fan could cool the car down. We chose the latter.

This is not something we would ever normally do! Ever! But it was an emergency situation, we put the hazards on and started to book it, until we got stopped by this SUV who was half in the lane, half in our way. We were like 'What's this person doing?' We tried yelling that we were overheating and that we needed to get by, but that didn't work. Behind us in the breakdown lane came a state utilty vehicle and my heart was in my throat because I didn't know what we were going to do until it just hopped on the terrain and zipped right past us. As it did, the SUV got out of the way and we were like "YES!" until it got right back in front of us again. We didn't get it. What was this person doing??? We started to think that they were playing Deputy of the Road not letting us pass while our car was seriously heating up! Stress!

Not long after that a college kid in a late model sedan pulled entirely around us onto the bank and then zipped back onto the pavement and up to the exit. We could see the SUV driver flash a ticked off "See-ya!" wave so then we KNEW that this person was just trying to keep us back, to "maintain order and fairness" in the traffic. But the fact is, this person just assumed we were trying to cut and it makes me so mad!!!!! We had a legitimate emergency situation, what if I was having a baby or a heart attack or something or an injured toddler. !!!!!!! So after seeing the non-4wd car pull entirely around us my DH got the confidence to pull around the SUV so we could get our car into safety.

I guess the moral of the story is to make sure your engine fan works properly, but the second moral is BUTT OUT!!! IT'S NOT YOUR PERSONAL INTERSTATE AND YOU DON'T ALWAYS KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE CAR WITH ITS HAZARD LIGHTS ON. Ughhh....I'm still so mad!

Tips for Creepy People

If you don't want to be treated like a creepy person, search opportunities to dump your creepy behavior. Such as, if you see a mother and her toddler walking in the park, do not follow them and continue to make creepy small talk. The world is on to you. When the mother treats you like you're creepy, take the hint and EFF OFF!!!


GOD DAMMIT!! It was 90,000 degrees and 5 thousand percent humidity and I had to park our overheated car near Maine Med so Jimmy and I took a stroll around the Western Prom and this guy just kept following us "You've got your hands full, haha!" "Sure is hot today!" "That ice cream truck sure is tempting the little one!" (Jimmy doesn't even realize that the ice cream truck dispenses ice cream, not that it matters.) Sometimes I feel like a jerk because I'm not always that friendly, but there were acres and acres to explore, he needn't follow our specific route. This week an 8-month pregnant woman was killed and had her baby removed, youngin's are desirable I ain't taking any chances!

Thankfully, our car was sufficiently de-overheated so we could leave the crayp on Western Prom. Apologies to future harrassees!