Friday, May 7, 2010


3 years ago today I was blissfully in denial that our baby was near, thinking "meh, we got time..." as Hubby was buzzing about the livingroom, washing baby clothes and sorting diaper stations. He was obviously annoyed by my refusal to engage, but his vibes were overpowered by our Netflix pick of the week: Caché, the title of a 2005 French movie that gives me chills to this day. 3 years ago tonight that movie locked my eyes into it from its first scene (I just got chills!) and by the time the climax came (you would know the moment) I thought I was going to go braindead from a nervous cardiac arrest. I couldn't sleep that night, I was so on edge, I felt terrorized, I was already on bedrest for hypertension, when I got up to go to my weekly prenatal appointment the next day I threw up before I could get to the bathroom--exceedingly rare, I wasn't a puker!

At the doctor's office they took one look at my blood pressure, said "you're having a baby" and then sent me to the hospital. I was gutted, I wasn't ready, the night before I was blissfully in denial that our baby was near and watching movies that were bad for my health! So I went to the hospital to have this baby, in a bungled hospital experiment that ended 7 days later. Ugh, worst birth experience ever, but in the hospital I came up with a secret middle name for Jimmy, the name of the subversive element that threw me there in the first place: the name Caché, it means "Hidden" and I still love the name and think it's a shame that I totally forgot to include it when it came time to fill out his birth certificate.


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