Thursday, July 9, 2009


Some people get offended or feel disenfranchised by certain terms, and aspects, and attitudes of our society like: Merry Christmas, global warming, Hilary Clinton, the wealthy, suburbia, having children, leash laws, suv's, authoritarianism, racism, marriage, consumerism, gerbils, Ann Coulter, cable news, R rated movies, bad tv, bad lyrics, South Park, mommy wars, nicknames, the mall, welfare, ageism, hedonism, mcmansions, greenpeace, soy, professional wrestling, food coloring, peanuts, fur, midol moments, the French...

But wherever you go, no one ever objects to (sorry atheists) saying "TGIF!" everysinglefriday and when that's over we're all forced into a somber national grouphug over "A case of the Mondays!" and then things pick back up to celebrate "Humpday!" which is so obnoxious yet yields no objections ever. Clearly, this is Schedulism. Some of us work full time but not necessarily Monday thru Friday and awkwardly try to work our way into society explaining situations like "it's my Friday," or "So Happy It's Thursday!" only to be responded with "Yeah, but I would hate to work on THE WEEKEND!!!" as though if doing so is some sort of embarrassing punishment. I'm here to say that not bowing down to The Man, that not having to skidsteer through thousands of Saturday rugrats at Chuck E. Cheese, or not having to wake up with sweaters on your teeth and a bad case of regret every Sunday is a beautiful thing! But in this culture, it's "My weekend was great, how was yours---oh, wait, you had to work." Why are we all forced into this hopelessly narrow concept of 'time'. It is time to declare TGIF as a four-letter letter thingy and declare that we the counterscheduled are getting tired of constantly having to explain why we get Saturdayitis rather than Mondayitis and why we excite ourselves about Tuesday being the New Humpday...oh the confusion and dismay, is this what Al Gore intended when he invented the 40-hr workweek? (or was that the internet.....?) I think not!

And then there's the graveyard shifters, what about them! Honestly, I don't know what to think about these offensive people of the night, they're weird and I don't understand them. But, as you can see, schedulism must be abolished forever!


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